It's already late. My eyes are already gettin' teary, slowly closing. After viewing his page, I guess we're done. "..it's alright, it's fine. I'm still feeling great." whispering. "He's not the last guy on earth, anyway." convincing myself. "Sigh.."
I turned off the computer. Next venue, my world, my bedroom.
I cling to my pillow, take a smile to, atleast, make this day a Day. I close my eyes, I know I'm better without him. I had and have a lot of suitors, just receive a card and a flower from one of them. More guys are waiting, just gotta pick the best (and show him that losing me is like losing everything). Doin' great in school, I am still a scholar. So, maybe i'm not that terrible, not far away from being a presentable girlfriend. But for a sudden, my muscles and veins are dragging me down, and I'm breaking. Tears just find its way to burst.
But, I could wait 'til destiny pity me. Give me another Love or bring back my Love "Damn, I don't care about other guys. I don't need another Love. He's all I need!"
"..I'm alright! and I am not thinking about him.. so not thinking!" repressing.
..fall to sleep while crying.
July 05, 1999
"We already have our own life. I'm living with my Mr.Right, have two children in a something that you could consider a dream house.
He's living with her beautiful wife with two children too.
He got a nice job, a house, a car and a nice life too." she smelled the roses in his hand and put it on a vase on the table beside her racking chair.
"Who do you mean 'He', grandma?" i follow her movements with my eyes.
"Oh, ho, nothing my darling. Don't mind it." grandma said when I asked her about his love-life.
"You mean Grandfa?" I insisted to hear the story behind. "..are you saying you're his beautiful wife?"
She just keep laughing. Her laughter makes me realize that we actually looks the same. Her long face, lips and eyes are the same as mine.
Well, Grandfa do really had a good job, two children and nice life with Grandma. I know she was talking about Grandfa, I just want to hear their story. I never found any intimacy between them when Grandfa was still alive, that's why I am so curious about them. I'm thinking, is Grandma just freaking frigid?
This is the first time I would be able to talk to Grandma about something to do with her love-life. So I keep on asking her. At first, I was just being naughty, teasing her, playing with question to her. But rather, in a good way, just plain bonding. And it surprises me to hear such.
"Your Grandfa and I never loved each other." she is serious. It really shocks me for a while but my nerves seems to know something. it was a flash back inside a lightning that shooks my brain. I don't know why.
Inherited memo? memo couldn't be inherited. "It was an arrange marriage."
So she wasn't talking about grandfa when she said
he.
"I ran away with
him, but they caught us. Just like in Movies,
he sets me free because
he knew he wouldn't be able to give me a wealthy life.
He said he doesn't love me anymore but I know
he is lying. I can feel it."
"At my wedding day, I received a letter. it was an old letter saying: I love you and I promise to give you a happy ending." she continue.
"But then, he let you get married with another guy? with Grandfa?"
"Yes, my darling. He did."
"Is that the
Happy Ending he's talking about? What a Jerk!" whimpered. "So sad.. he broke his promise."
"uh, oh, ho, ho. of course not."
"So what's the Happy thing there?"
"It's right here." Hoist the roses from the vase beside her and hold it with her two hands. Place it in front of her heart. "
He gives me the flower every morning."
"But he have a wife, right? What's so happy about that?"
And she said, with her eyes glowing peacefully "We maybe ain't living together but we love each other still."
"Hey, wait. Grandma? Your face? it's.."
Then, i woke up. "..me!"
..I was dreaming about myself 40years from now.
Happy ending isn't about living together with him or her. It's about both of you loving each other 'til the end.
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